Tonda Wright, author of
My Son’s Fugacious Life: Two Murderers, One Conviction, is a powerful force in the community. Through her book, speaking engagements, and building several businesses, Tonda encourages people to create memorable brands and use them to inspire, impact the community, and create opportunity. Her goal is to continue writing books, style her own shoe line, and continue to move in God’s purpose. She’s on a mission to complete her assignment from God.
Black Pearls Magazine: Ms. Wright, first allow us to offer our condolences in the loss of your son Johnquan Douglas Wright (1990-2008). No parent should have to bury their child at such a young age. We are here to provide a platform for you to share your story and how you are coping with your loss more than 10 years later.
I would like to start off by sharing the actual definition for Public Duty Doctrine: “The public duty doctrine provides that a governmental entity cannot be held liable for an individual plaintiff's injury resulting from a governmental officer's breach of a duty owed to the general public rather than to the individual plaintiff.” This will play a huge part in the rest of this interview with Ms. Wright.
BPM: How does this book, My Son's Fugacious Life: Two Murderers, One Conviction, honor your son and his life?
Tonda: As with any tragedy there is always going to be gossip and speculation. I wanted to tell Johnquan’s, my son, story from my perspective—from my eyes. Writing this book was a way I could start to heal, but my primary goal was to inform the public of the careless treatment by the Fire Department after arriving at the scene of my son’s murder.
Tonda: I always encouraged Johnquan to write about his pain and frustrations—to write about his life through his own lens. I hoped that his writing would be a way for him to creatively cope with not having his father around to guide him in handling peer pressure and the negative views society forces on today’s young men.
The particular poem, that’s in the book and shared here, is one of the most descriptive one of his poems and best conveys how he felt. Prayerfully, at a later date, I will be able to publish some of his other works that might be an inspiration for other young men to put their feelings and issues on paper.
BPM: Your book details what it was like for you to get the call that your son was shot. That call is feared by most parents! Most parents feel as if this is “the worst that can happen.” What were your first steps? Looking back now, how do you think you regrouped after that first call?
Tonda: It’s hard to really put my first steps and thoughts together where others can really understand me unless they have been in this position, but anger is the first thing I remember. Angry with God, not believing my son was dead, asking myself how he could not survive considering I spent my life working as an Emergency Medical Technician helping to save so many others.
After that first call, I had to turn to my support team, family and close advisers to just keep it together and handle the business of laying my son to rest. I was so fully charged with finding out what exactly happened to him and why, it sustained me when physically and mentally I was struggling.
BPM: Was there ever a time where you felt like “I have to survive this to fight for my son's legacy?”
Tonda: Every single day from the time of his death and beyond, I’ve felt like I have to do this, survive this, speak on this and advocate for others in his name. I could not sit by and silently let the system kill him for the second time!
I never really wanted to sue over this matter. No monetary amount could fix this or bring Johnquan back, but I knew a lawsuit was the only way to bring the people responsible for his ultimate death to the table to talk to me. I also wanted the public to hear the real story behind Johnquan death that went beyond what was initially reported in the papers. All I wanted was an apology for mistakes that were made on the day of the shooting. Once I realized no one was going to be culpable or own their mistakes, I was forced to protect my son’s legacy and to lay all the cards on the table for people to see and use however they saw fit.
BPM: This is a tough question to ask, but how do you grieve and recover from the death of a child? Bereaved parents need to work through their grief in their own way and in their own time, but how did you start the process?
Tonda: Everyone grieves on their own terms and the supporters need to understand there are so many stages of grief; at times I was living out 2 or 3 of them simultaneously. I had to live out all the stages— anger, denial, bargaining/guilt, depression, moving beyond the pain to find meaning for what’s next and acceptance.
The anger and depression were the most debilitating at times. I first had to get past blaming myself for not being there as a mother to protect my child. The coulda-woulda-shouldas almost got the best of me. Like other parents who have lost a child due to a traumatic situation, I had to get beyond feeling as a failure as a parent, as his mother. It took some time, but I began the process by understanding that I had to live to fight for my son even though he was gone.
BPM: After 10 years, do you feel as if you have healed from the pain?
Tonda: Healing cannot be assigned a timetable, for sure, but I do believe I’m still healing each day. Let's be clear, when I speak about healing, I don’t mean I’m never sad. It means I’m more equipped to move forward in life from a healthier state.
Sometimes things happen to bring back a bit of the pain, such as his birthdays, holidays or even looking at his daughter, who is so much like him and looks like me.
BPM: What was your support system like during the healing process?
Tonda: Everyone in the family was affected by the loss of Johnquan, I have another child, and my son had a small daughter as well. My child’s death was a family loss, I know this, but I’m a loner. Coping with this pain alone feels better at times. Sometimes writing feels more comfortable to me than talking or turning to others.
I do have truly close, loyal friends who understand my need for solitude and space; they are there when I need them, whenever I reach out to them. My friends and family were there to uplift me as I dealt with funeral plans, sitting through the trial and they were great sounding boards as I worked through the final lawsuit.
BPM: Did you join any support groups for bereaved parents?
Tonda: I didn’t join any formal support groups but I did seek therapy. Since grief is so complicated when a child dies, I realized that it was important not to solely handle the depression alone. Professional help worked better for me, in a private setting.
BPM: Let's talk about your book. I know that it had to be hard reliving that dreadful day when Johnquan was taken away on August 14, 2008, what was the writing process like for you? How long did it take you to write the book?
Tonda: It only took me about 6 months to write “My Son’s Fugacious Life: Two Murderers, One Conviction.” I was so eager to get his story out so it could help others who needed to heal after the loss of a loved one.
I also needed people to fully understand what I was going through at that time as a single parent and how I was able to survive it all. I hope other parents can use my story, his story, in such a way that it makes their journey just a little easier.
BPM: Did you work with your family in writing this book? Did your daughter have any input? The death of a sibling is often traumatic. I pray that she is in a safe mental space after the loss of her brother.
Tonda: Murder shattered assumptions of what our world should be. Life is forever altered once that one word begins the evolution of your life as you know it now.
This story was too close, too personal for me to consult with others. No, I didn’t seek any input from outside the family nor did I seek input from my daughter. I shared the facts and I tried to deliver my son’s story with one single focus based only on our shared experiences.
