Wherever You Go, There You Are
by Barb Wade
by Barb Wade
OK,
I’m going to tell it to you straight. The biggest impediment to
achieving what’s most important to you is between your ears.
The
self-talk that we give ourselves is a running dialogue that is the most
significant influence with regards to what we accomplish, and ALSO our
entire quality of life.
I
used to give myself constant messages of fear and “not enough.” I
remember being an actress and starring on an NBC sitcom in my 20s, and
even then I was always in fear about whether I was good enough, whether
they were regretful they hired me, and when the other shoe was going to
drop and I would be released from my contract.
What kind of a way was that to live when I was doing something many people would die for?
But
no amount of externals can override what we tell ourselves internally.
It’s a fact. Even if you change your circumstances (new job, new mate,
etc.) your mind and the way it operates is still right there.
And
how do you suppose you show up in life when your running dialogue is
“you’re not (good, smart, worthy) enough, you’re not loveable, you’re
behind in what you’re accomplishing, you never get things right, you’re
going to be ‘found out’ and rejected,” etc. etc.?
I’ll tell you. You show up on shaky ground.
You show up trying to pull off a persona that other people will
approve of – convinced the real you will lead to disaster. You show up
insecure, riddled with fear, and giving your power away to everyone else
to decide if you’re worthy.
UGH. It’s painful just to type that because I remember that phase of my life so viscerally. (Deep breath…).
So what’s the answer? Well, let me warn you first that it takes practice.
You didn’t learn to be so self-critical overnight, and rewiring that
takes a commitment. But it will absolutely change your life – I know it
did mine.
The solution, of course, is to develop self-compassion.
To cultivate a loving inner voice to be your ally when you need to feel uncomfortable feelings (sadness, regret, fear) so that those can pass through you.
To develop a fierce inner advocate when you need to speak your truth and take risks.
To cultivate a loving inner voice to be your ally when you need to feel uncomfortable feelings (sadness, regret, fear) so that those can pass through you.
To develop a fierce inner advocate when you need to speak your truth and take risks.
The
easiest way to start is to think of someone dearly whom you love more
than you can put into words (a child in your life is very effective).
Imagine this child grown up and coming to you with the same messages “I
really screwed up today, I’m so angry at myself, maybe I’m just not cut
out for this (their dream), now people are going to think (fill in the
blank).”
I
KNOW without a doubt that you would give them messages of soothing.
You’d remind them the truth of who they are. You’d be present for their
disappointment, but with unconditional love. And you’d tell them that
those thoughts are not true – they can and will achieve what they want.
They’re beautiful, inside and out. They’re immensely capable. You’d
prize their courage and tenacity.
Now the thing you have to practice is saying these messages to yourself –
because that’s what you deserve, too (even ask yourself what you’d say
to ____ in the same situation). You can imagine these messages of
unbounded support for yourself as coming from a deep inner wisdom or
what you might call your “higher self.” However you conceptualize it is
fine.
At
first, expect the negative voices to come up, because that’s what
you’re used to. But as soon as you notice, ask yourself “what would
love say?” as I’ve described above. The more and more you practice, the
shorter the time will become between the negative voice and replacing
it. Eventually, the negative voice will actually arise fairly rarely in
the first place, and the messages of self-love and support will be your
default!
Commit to trying this the very next time you’re in self-shaming and fear.
(Even committing to this new practice is already an act of
self-support). And then really do it. I mean really do it as if your
life depended on it.
Because it actually does.
Business Coach & Mentor Barb Wade specializes in teaching entrepreneurs how to make more money more easily while enjoying a business and lifestyle that reflects their priorities. Download Barb's "Word-for-Word Scripts To Overcome Objections" and book more high-paying clients now at www.BarbWade.com.