Angela's Awakening
by Ariel Driskell

Angela's Awakening is a story of a woman who gives up a high powered
career to become a wife and stay at home mother. And after the birth of
her second daughter she begins to struggle with postpartum depression.
And one day, she decides to leave her family, thinking they'd be better
off without her. But before she can leave them, she has a near death
experience, causing her reevaluate her decision to leave behind the only
people she's ever really loved.
This is a story about the importance of finding oneself when all seems
lost. And I also believe that a lot of women will be able to relate to
this story because postpartum depression is something that people
struggle with everyday.
Here we go...
Angela
was not sure what made it more difficult for her to see, the warm tears
flowing down her cheeks, or the rain dancing across her windshield. As
she sat at the stop sign thinking that her two girls and loving husband
would be better off without her, there was the sound of a horn blaring
that interrupted her thoughts. She quickly wiped her face and made a
left turn onto the street that would take her to the highway. Angela
felt like she was driving on auto pilot. She did not have to think
about where she was going. She had driven to the airport many times
before to pick up Phillip from his many business trips.
As her thoughts turned to her husband of ten years, she began to replay
in her mind the first time that they met. He was tall, dark, handsome,
and walked with a self confidence that you couldn’t help but notice.
Every woman in the room wanted him, but Angela was the one he’d chosen.
She remembered inhaling the scent of his cologne as he introduced
himself to her, and in that moment she knew she would belong to him, and
all he had to do was ask.
They’d met at a mixer for singles and six months into the relationship,
Phillip proposed. Angela knew she had a good black man, and without
hesitation she said yes. She was thirty at the time and up for junior
partner at her mid size law firm and Phillip, who was thirty two, was a
rising star at his architectural firm. The two became the perfect power
couple.
After being married for three glorious years, Angela decided that it was
time to give her husband what he’d been waiting so patiently for, a
family. She’d never really seen herself as the mothering type; probably
because her mother had told her she wasn’t and she’d bought into it
after hearing it her whole life. Or maybe it was because Angela’s
mother hadn’t been much of a mother herself. Angela’s conception had
been an accident, and her mother constantly reminded her of the fact
that she had never really been wanted.
None
of that seemed to matter anymore because she had Phillip now. His love
for her made all things seem possible. It had even been her idea to put
her career on hold and stay at home for a few years with the baby.
She’d longed to see herself the way he did. The tears seemed to be
coming harder and faster now as she thought about the first time she’d
told him that she was pregnant.
“Baby, are you sure?” Phillip asked for the hundredth time as he swept Angela up into his arms once again.
“Yes, sweetie,” she replied laughing harder now. “I had my doctor’s appointment today and she confirmed it.”
Phillip lowered her to the ground and began to shower her face with
kisses. “I’m taking you off for a very special weekend to celebrate.”
Despite the fact she had a major case coming up in court next month and
had planned on working on it all weekend, she could not refuse the man
she loved with all her heart. They spent the whole weekend cuddled up
in front of the fireplace in their room, only leaving the warmth of
their new found haven to eat. She’d never imagined that she could have
ever been as happy as she was at that moment.
When
Anne Marie was born, she became the second greatest love of Angela’s
life. She had no idea how the human heart was capable of holding so
much love and joy for more than one person. Having his child made her
fall deeper in love with Phillip, strengthening their marriage even
more. He cherished their daughter, and spent as much time at home with
her and Angela as possible. Raising a child was a full time job, so
Phillip tried to be as supportive and helpful as his schedule allowed
him too. He didn’t want Angela to feel overwhelmed while staying at
home with the baby. He’d even began encouraging her to think about
returning to work when Anne Marie turned three, but Angela had decided
they should have another child. She knew how hard it was for her
growing up without any siblings to share things with, and didn’t want
her daughter to experience that as well.
It wasn’t until they had Samantha that things changed for them. Once
they returned home from the hospital, Angela’s overwhelming joy had been
suddenly replaced with what felt like an endless pit of despair. She
felt anxious about everything, and although Phillip had taken time off
from work, his being there didn’t bring her any comfort.
Concerned
and not knowing what else to do, Phillip suggested that Angela see
someone about her mental state, and so she did. The doctor diagnosed
her as having postpartum depression, and told her that many new mothers
experienced it, and that it was nothing to be concerned about because
there were drugs that could help her feel like her old safe self again.
But because Angela wanted to breast feed Samantha, she turned down the
option of taking medication. Samantha was now two years old, and the
depression had only seemed to have worsened over the years.
The bad days outweighed the good days, and sometimes the days ran
together and it was hard to discern which was which. No matter how much
Phillip tried to help, it was never enough, and it was slowly killing
their marriage. The strong vivacious woman he’d fallen in love with was
disappearing more and more each day, and he felt helpless. Angela knew
it was breaking his heart, which is why she felt all the more reason to
leave him, t o leave them. It had taken them almost ten years to build
the wonderful life they had together and she was going to destroy it in
just one day. She knew it was selfish, but she didn’t know what else
to do. She’d lost herself so long ago, and she didn’t know how to get
back to the woman she used to be.
All of a sudden there was a beeping noise inside of the car, alerting
her that her fuel was low, and that brought her out of the daze she’d
been in. Angela was only a few miles away from the airport, but she
figured that the least she could do was put gas in the tank so Phillip
wouldn’t have too when he came to pick up the car. She exited the
highway, and pulled into the first gas station she saw.
Angela slowly flipped down the visor and looked herself over in the
mirror, hoping her eyes weren’t too puffy from all the crying she’d been
doing. She wiped her face, and ran her fingers through her short
hair, trying to gather her composure before exiting the car. When she
opened her wallet to retrieve her debit card, her eyes fell upon the
picture they’d taken last year during Christmas time. She smiled as she
thought the things that had taken place that day.
Phillip had given her the Tiffany necklace she was wearing in the
picture as an early Christmas present. She awoke that morning and to
her surprise, there on his pillow was a box containing the necklace
she’d admired almost three months ago. She slipped into her robe and
went downstairs to find the kitchen a mess. Her first instinct was to
be upset, but then she saw Anne Marie standing on a stool and leaning
over the pancake griddle, and Samantha, covered in pancake flour and her
husband trying frantically to clean her up, she couldn’t help but laugh
a little.
“Mommy, we are making pancakes, your favorite,” Samantha exclaimed once
she saw Angela standing at the bottom of the stairs. Samantha wiggled
from her father’s grasp and ran to her mother, wrapping her tiny arms
around her legs. Angela laughed, and picked up her daughter, and kissed
her nose.
“Good morning my beautiful girls,” Angela said, as she walked over to
Anne Marie, who was grinning from ear to ear. Angela kissed her on the
top of her head as Anne Marie carefully flipped a pancake, making sure
it was perfect. She took a seat beside Phillip and kissed him softly on
the lips, thanking him for her necklace. The girls giggled and yelled
for them to stop. “Okay, okay,” Angela said tickling Samantha. That had
definitely been one of the good days.
She ran her fingers across the plastic cover that protected the picture,
and wiped away the tears as they began to fall again. She felt a
slight twinge of pain and remorse as she looked at the two girls in the
picture and realized that she wouldn’t be there to help them get ready
to go out on their first dates. She and Phillip had joked often about
how he would attempt to scare off any suitors the two would inevitably
have when they became young women. There would be no more dance
recitals, choir practices, or school plays. She was leaving everything
behind in hopes of finding a new life, a more fulfilling life, or so she
hoped.
Phillip was her best friend, and she prayed that one day he would be
able to forgive her for leaving him without saying goodbye. She tried
to explain as much as possible in the letter she’d left him but a letter
was not a proper way to end things. She knew she should have never
taken on the role of motherhood, but she wanted more than anything to
give him what he wanted. She did love him and the girls, as much as she
could, and in her own way. She hoped that once she got settled,
wherever that might be, that he would allow them to come visit her.
They were after all a part of her just as much as they were a part of
him.
She closed her wallet and placed it back into her purse and exited the
car. As Angela stood and pumped her gas, she’d become so distracted by
her own circumstances that when she saw the young man walk into the gas
station, she didn’t even wonder why he was wearing a jacket with a hood
on in 90 degree weather. Besides, it had been raining and she was
wearing a jacket herself, so she thought nothing of it. Shortly after
he entered the store, shots rang out, and the hooded figure came running
out at full speed with the owner of the gas station chasing behind him
and shooting. It had all happened so fast, and Angela hadn’t had time
to react. It didn’t seem real until she felt the pain, and her hand
automatically clutched her side. It was a throbbing sensation she’d
never felt before, and then she saw blood and realized she had been
shot.
In shock she fell to the ground. The young man jumped into the car that
had been waiting for him, and they sped away leaving tire marks, broken
glass, and bullets in their wake. Angela began to call out to the
owner who hadn’t seen her. It started as a whisper then got louder.
When he saw her he ran to her side.
“My wife is calling the police ma’am, just hold on.” He placed his hand
over her wound and applied pressure trying to stop the bleeding.
“My husband,” Angela began to say, salty tears running into her mouth.
She tried to reach for her purse. “I need to call my husband.”
“What’s his name?” asked the man. But it was too late, Angela passed out before she was able to answer.
When she awoke, she thought she had been dreaming, until she saw and
felt the tubes coming out of her nose and arms. Her throat was parched,
but she managed to make a moaning noise, and then mumbles, which turned
into words, and then names. “Phillip, Samantha, Anne Marie.”
“She’s awake,” Phillip called out to the nurses. He’d entered the room
just in time to hear her call their names. He’d been down the hall in
the chapel praying for her recovery. He rushed to his wife’s side and
took her hand into his. He knelt down beside her bed and began kissing
her hand. His tears felt warm and welcoming to her.
“Don’t talk, sweetie,” he said once he saw her struggling to speak. “I
thought I’d lost you forever. The letter, then the call about you being
in some kind of accident, I didn’t know what to think or do.”
“I’m so sorry,” Angela responded, clearing her throat.
“I don’t know what I would have done without you.” He stood and kissed her on her forehead.
“I am so sorry for putting you through all of this,” she said tears free flowing once again.
“And I am sorry for allowing you to give up so much for me and the girls.”
“No, don’t be, that was my decision. You know, it’s true what they say
about your life flashing before your eyes.” She paused before speaking
again. “All I saw were you and the girls. Anne Marie’s first slumber
party, and when you took her training wheels off her bike. Samantha
playing dress up in my shoes and makeup all over her face, and the time
they made a get well card for you when you had the flu. And most
importantly, the day we got married.” She paused again, taking a sip of
water. “But what I didn’t see,” she said as he wiped the tears from
her face, “were my coworkers, or the clients I won cases for, or any of
the partners of the firm. “Just you and this wonderful life you’ve
given me. You three are my life, my heart, and my soul,” she managed to
say in between sniffles. “God really did make you just for me, didn’t
he?”
“And you for me.” The thought of losing her had been unbearable for Phillip.
“I am just sorry I was too blind to see that. I want to go home, Phillip,” Angela said, wiping his tears away.
“And you will as soon as they say you’re well enough. We will work this
out, together.” He bent down and kissed her softly on the lips.
Angela felt as though she had been sleepwalking the past three years of
her life, but her near death experience awakened a passion in her she’d
never felt before. Her eyes had been opened to all of the wonderful
things she and Phillip shared together, and she vowed from that day
forward to never take another moment with her loving husband, and two
beautiful daughters, for granted, ever again.
About the Author
Ariel Driskell
holds a bachelor’s of science degree in Psychology from Florida A &
M University. Her first romance novel, A Life Less Interrupted, is
scheduled to be released in mid to late 2011. You can reach her at
aedriskell@hotmail.com or check out her blog
www.frommyheart2urs.wordpress.com
© 2010 All rights reserved. Story reprinted by permission of the author.
Do not reproduce, copy or use without the author's written permission.
Copyright infringement is a serious offense. This excerpt is used for
promotional purposes only.