Tuesday, June 28

Sister Assertiveness 101

 Sister Assertiveness 101


Being assertive is a skill that comes naturally to some but not to all. It’s a trait and skill that can get you far in life, when balanced evenly. However, if not kept in check, assertiveness can come across as abrasive, rude, or even mean or aggressive.

 In this article, we’re going to explore the topic of assertiveness; we’ll cover what it means to be assertive, how to become more assertive, and how to keep that assertiveness in check.


What does it mean to be assertive?

According to The Better Health Channel, “Being assertive means being direct about what you need, want, feel, or believe in a way that’s respectful of the views of others.” Being assertive can offer many benefits to almost every area of your life, when kept in balance.


For example, when you’re more assertive in the workplace, you show your superiors that you have the qualities required of a leader and the confidence necessary to go for what you need or want. In your relationship, being assertive has a whole slew of benefits.


First off, it can help you have the confidence to ask someone out in the first place. Secondarily, assertiveness allows you to identify and be clear about what you want and need in the relationship, improving communication between you and your partner and ensuring the healthy state of your relationship.


What can you do to be more assertive?

The first thing you have to do when trying to be more assertive is to make the decision to positively assert your views and yourself and commit to it. It’s not enough just to think about maybe trying to be more assertive in situations, like you think about how you really should work out more while you’re eating dessert. You have to commit to it.


The next step is improving your communication and listening skills. These two skills are crucial in assertiveness. You need to communicate openly and honestly with a respect for those with whom your speaking. In addition to that, you have to become an active listener.


Pay close attention to what people say to you, try to understand their perspective and don’t interrupt. The key to having the right balance in your assertiveness is to respect others and allow them the space to be assertive, as well.


Lastly, in the actual practice of assertiveness, you want to stay calm, avoid guilt tripping, and use what is referred to as “I” statements. “I” statements (I think, I feel, I know) are much more assertive and more constructive than “you” statements (you never, you always), which tend to be more harmful.


How can you keep your assertiveness in check?

There’s a fine line between positive assertiveness and abrasive rudeness. A good way to keep yourself in check and ensure you aren’t toeing that line is to be observant, not just of yourself but of those around you.


Take time throughout your day to reflect on yourself, your behavior, and your choices. Watch how others behave around you; if your loved ones seem uncomfortable with your behavior or put off by your attitude, you should examine your assertiveness and maybe make some adjustments.


Being assertive can get you far in life, but there’s a fine line between being positively assertive and being rude. If you keep yourself in check when working on your assertiveness and create a good balance, you can go further and be happier in your life. Assertiveness can lead to promotions, healthier relationships, and a more positive self-image. We hope we’ve helped to instruct you on and guide you through improving your assertive behavior.

Dealing With Anxiety In Today’s Turbulent World

 Dealing With Anxiety In Today’s Turbulent World


Okay, so besides the normal day to day hustle and immense stress of daily living in the modern world, we now have a pandemic to contend with.

 Unfortunately, dealing with anxiety has become somewhat of a normal part of life for many individuals in the world today. Although this problem is not necessarily a new phenomenon, there are certain aspects of modern times that have served to exacerbate the issue.

 Due to our world being so connected through the internet, social media and other forms of media, people today are not only exposed to the issues in their immediate environment. Instead, we are shown all of the bad things taking place across the entire globe. Furthermore, we are expected to juggle so many more responsibilities at one time, all while being as productive as possible.

 Although anxiety certain varies in intensity and frequency from person to person, there are a few ways to deal with the problem that are beneficial for anyone experiencing this issue. This article intends to discuss a few of these techniques in order to alleviate some of your anxiety, hopefully improving your overall quality of life.


Live In The Moment

 Although it may seem obvious when stated, the only point in time in which you will EVER exist is right now. Ironically, most of us dedicate the bulk of our mental energy into the past or future. Anxiety is great at causing us to replay past mistakes in our head and constantly worry about things that have yet to occur.

 A big part of dealing with anxiety is to live in the moment. This means focusing all of your physical and mental energy on what is going on right now. Not only does this simplify life, it also allows you to get the most out of your limited time.

 Trying to deal with your entire past and future on a constant basis makes it virtually impossible to appreciate what is right in front of you.


Control What You Can Control

 The truth is, many of the issues causing anxiety in your life are beyond your control. This includes global and community issues as well as problems in your personal life. 

What you need to realize is that the weight of the world is NOT on your shoulders, even though it can certainly seem like it at times. 

Anxiety tells you that you should be worried about solving problems that are way out of your hands.

 In reality, focusing on the issues that you actually have the ability to resolve is a much healthier response to a problem-filled world.

It’s Okay To Not Feel Okay

 Another side effect of anxiety is a feeling of isolation. People experiencing anxiety on a routine basis tend to feel like they are the only ones dealing with this issue.

 Because of this perspective, we often feel like everyone else is much happier than we are, like we won’t be accepted if anyone else knew the extent of our anxiety. It is so important to realize that this is far from the truth.

 Everyone around you is experiencing some degree of anxiety or mental hang up. You are far from alone. Don’t feel like you have to go through life acting as if everything is okay when it isn’t.


Get Help If You Need It

 Finally, if your anxiety is something you are having trouble dealing with on your own, then don’t! There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking professional help for this issue. Ironically, our society welcomes getting help for even minor physical ailments but acts as if doing the same for a serious mental issue is taboo.

 Consider this, if you had the flu, you would most certainly seek the appropriate doctor to take care of it. Why would you not seek a doctor that is medically trained in alleviating mental health issues if you are dealing with anxiety? There is help out there, get it if you need it!

5 Steps To Be More Honest With Yourself

5 Steps To Be More Honest With Yourself

If you are serious about improving yourself as a person, if you’re serious about developing yourself, then honesty is an important part of the journey. Honesty is a key aspect of developing because if you aren’t being honest with yourself, how on earth do you plan to grow?

When we choose dishonesty and delusion, we are choosing to see only what we want to. That might not sound so bad, but it means that you are ignoring a whole lot that you would prefer to avoid. It’s those things that matter the most. You’re securing short-term joy in exchange for long-term happiness.

Being more honest with yourself might be painful, but it’s a necessary part of furthering yourself. How can you be more honest with yourself?

1. Acknowledge The Bad and The Good

The thing we are guiltiest of is embracing all of the good things about life, while completely ignoring the bad. It’s a bit like social media. We watch these timelines of pure joy and bliss. That isn’t real. People only share the best bits, it’s a slideshow of someone’s life and doesn’t paint a true picture of the hardships they might face.

We do this, too, whether it’s on social media or in our own heads. It’s just easier to ignore the bad things rather than deal with them head-on. Ignoring problems won’t solve anything, if anything, it will make things worse for you in the long run. Be honest with yourself about everything good and bad in your life, that balanced view will keep you sane.

2. Take Time For Self-Reflection

At the end of each day, take a few minutes to think about how it went. Ask yourself how you did, if there’s anything you did well or could have done better. You can be honest without being overly critical or too judgmental.

This exercise isn’t about damaging your self-esteem, rather, it’s about reflecting on the day in order to make tomorrow a better one. Reflection helps you learn about yourself and it can improve your ability to solve problems, too. When you allow yourself the opportunity to analyze the day, you’re going to get a better picture of what it takes to improve.

3. We All Make Mistakes – Admit It

Every one of us so, why can’t you just admit it? It is one of the most difficult aspects of being honest with yourself. It’s easy to slip into ego protection mode and fine an excuse or someone else to blame for a mistake. That’s not going to help you build a real sense of self-esteem, though. True self-esteem, true confidence lies in being courageous enough to own up to mistakes. When you can stand up and own shortcomings you can learn and grow.

4. Get Into Your Feelings

When people say they’re caught up in their feelings it’s usually used in a negative connotation. Yet, your emotions have an important role to play in how you understand and interact with the world. Emotions aren’t the reality, but they are revealing.

When you dig deep to figure out why you feel a certain way, you’re learning about the things that tend to make you feel that way. More importantly, you’re learning how to manage and respond appropriately. This is a level of honesty that your stress levels (and social circle) will appreciate.

5. Don’t Get Caught in Analysis Paralysis

As we noted above, it’s important to take time for reflection and analyze the day. However, it’s equally as important that you don’t over-analyze. It’s easy to get carried away. You don’t need to rationalize everything or intellectualize about it.

You simply need to be matter of fact. There’s no need to create an elaborate story about why bad things happen to you. You need only to note how it is right now and move forward. You can’t understand everything that’s going on in the world, and you don’t need to. You just have to be realistic, be practical and sensible.








5 Steps To Boost Your Motivation Skills

 5 Steps To Boost Your Motivation Skills


It is no secret that life can be tough. This is especially true for anyone set on living a life of fulfillment and achievement. Probably the most important intrinsic factor responsible for rising above the rest of the population is motivation. 

Motivation is the one variable that allows you to push yourself when those around you give up and seek out one challenge after another to conquer.  If you are currently experiencing a dry spell in the way of motivation or even if you have never thought of yourself as a driven individual, but would like to become one, this article is a must read.

 Here we will discuss 5 helpful steps that, in no particular order, are an effective way to enhance your overall motivation and drive to achieve the goals you have set for yourself!


Know Your Why


While it may seem obvious, knowing your reasoning and passion behind anything you pursue is critical. When you first set out on a goal or achievement, your “why” for doing so typically starts out pretty clear. However, somewhere in the grind of working towards this goal, this foundation can quickly become obscured.


Make no mistake; any time you are tirelessly working towards something worthwhile, no matter how important, there WILL be days in which you feel less motivated than others. Remaining conscientious of why you started in this first place serves as your second (or third, or fourth) wind to get back up and keep pushing.


Know Your Direction


Extreme motivation has a tendency to cause one to put their head down and work like a maniac. While there are times that this mindset is beneficial, some sense of direction must be maintained. Big goals rarely consist of point A and point B.


Instead, it is important to have a general outline in mind of each specific step towards your destination. So yes, while keeping your nose to the grindstone is a must, looking up every now and then to adjust and begin the next phase of your blueprint is the only way to continue heading in the right direction!


Allow Small Victories


No matter how much (or little) motivation you have towards a goal, failing to enjoy small successes in pursuit of the finish line is a sure fire way to run out of gas before you get there.


While resting on your laurels and settling for less than what you want must be avoided, depriving yourself of fulfillment along the way is also detrimental. In pursuit of your goals, take some time to reward yourself when you accomplish one of the (often many) small steps to get there.


You Versus You, Not You Versus Them


This is a step that almost all of us need to hear. Keep in mind that your goals are YOUR goals. Letting other people’s pursuits dictate what you strive for is a slippery slope. After all, you will never find the motivation required to achieve anything great without a personal conviction to do so. Whatever it is you want, the only comparison to be made is to the person you were the day before.


Controlled Tunnel Vision


Consider this fact: whatever big goal or achievement you are after most likely involves only one facet of your life. Whether this goal is career, athletic or personally oriented, the rest of your life is not going to stop while you go after it. It is inevitable that much of your motivation and energy is going to be focused on the biggest victory you are after.


However, I can assure you that your sense of fulfillment will be diminished upon reaching the finish line and realizing you have neglected every other facet of who you are to get there. Balance is always key. Don’t let the rest of your life fall to the wayside while you chase one dream!



Imposter Syndrome Defined and Symptoms

 Imposter Syndrome Defined and Symptoms

You really need to understand imposter syndrome so that you can confirm whether you are experiencing it or not. Everyone feels like an imposter sometimes and this is pretty natural. In this article, we will provide a definition of imposter syndrome and discuss some of the most common symptoms. As you scroll down our blog, you will find the entire series that defines they types of imposters, ways to overcome those negative feelings and how to keep them at bay. Enjoy!

What exactly is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is where you are regularly experiencing thoughts and feelings that you are a fraud. Please note the word “regularly” here. Experiencing these thoughts now and again is not imposter syndrome.

A person that experiences imposter syndrome will believe that they do not deserve to be where they are. This can be in a specific job position and even owning a business. Imposter syndrome can also arise in your personal life. You may feel that you do not deserve your spouse or your family for example.

When you experience imposter syndrome you are going to feel a lot more anxious than usual. You can become terrified that you will be found out as an imposter and that the consequences will be dire. Some people that suffer from imposter syndrome feel like their whole world is imploding.

There is a link to your Emotions with Imposter Syndrome

If you are experiencing imposter syndrome then this will make you feel lousy. It will change your state of mind and you can experience all kinds of negative emotions. Feeling like a fraud all of the time is not going to be pleasant.

Imposter Syndrome is Always Likely

The truth is that there are many people that are experiencing imposter syndrome right now. Experts predict that as many as 70% of the population will suffer from imposter syndrome at one point in their life. It is possible to experience it more than once.

Self-Doubt Caused by Imposter Syndrome

One of the most common symptoms with imposter syndrome is an increase in self-doubt. If you have noticed that your self-esteem has really tanked recently, this could be due to thinking that you are an imposter.

Perfectionist Tendencies

A lot of people that experience imposter syndrome start to develop perfectionist tendencies. The reason for this is likely to be that they feel they need to do everything perfectly to prove to others that they are not an imposter. Perfectionism has a lot of drawbacks. Nobody and nothing in life is perfect.

Perform Better than Others

Another symptom of imposter syndrome is the desire to always perform better than other people. Again, we believe that the rationale behind this is the need to prove that you are not a fraud. People suffering from imposter syndrome often work a lot harder than others to ensure that they are seen to be the top performer.

Imposter Syndrome can Result in Self-Sabotage

People that regularly experience feelings of being an imposter are more prone to self-sabotage. They may be progressing really well and then suddenly do something to undo all of their good work. The reason for this is that they probably have a self-confidence crisis and think that they are not good enough.

Unable to Accept Compliments

If you are experiencing imposter syndrome you may find it tough to accept compliments from others. You do not feel like you are worthy, so any compliments received can be ignored because you believe that people are just feeling sorry for you.


The Five Types Of Imposters

One of the most influential people in the world of imposter syndrome is Dr Valerie Young. She has written a book on the subject which is based on here research. As a result of her research, Dr Young has also identified five distinct types of imposters. This is important for you to know as it can help you to overcome imposter syndrome.

1. The Perfectionist Imposter

Some people that experience regular feelings of being a fraud will develop perfectionist tendencies. They start to believe that they need to provide proof to others that they are not an imposter and doing everything perfectly is the best way to do this.

But nothing and nobody is perfect in this world so this is doomed to failure from the start. When you are a perfectionist, it will take you a lot longer to complete anything – that’s if you can complete anything at all.

Perfectionists tend to go over their work time and time again and make tweaks to it each time in the name of perfection.  It is always likely that a perfectionist will have many unfinished tasks because they are not satisfied with the quality of the work they have done.

2. The Superhero Imposter

The superhero imposter is never too busy to take on more work. They are an overachiever and it is a way for them to prove that they are not a fraud. As a superhero imposter, you will work much longer hours than your colleagues. When you do finally go home, you will probably take some work with you.

It is rare for a superhero to take a day off because this has no meaning to them. They have trouble focusing on one thing at a time and become a jack of all trades. A superhero is a juggler that always has a lot of balls in the air.

3. The Natural Genius Imposter

This is a person that will be very good at one thing and distinctly average at everything else. They will be well-known for their specific talent and people will usually give them problems to solve in this area. But others will never learn anything from a natural genius imposter. This is because they have great difficulty explaining how they arrived at a solution.

These people usually struggle with learning new things and often believe that they are a failure because of this. If their knowledge of the one subject was ever to let them down then this would be very difficult for the natural genius to handle.

4. The Soloist Imposter

Someone that is a soloist imposter likes to work alone as much as possible. This is because they are terrified that someone else will find out that they are a fraud. A soloist can often be anti-social but not always. But they are always protective of their big imposter secret.

5. The Expert Imposter

The expert imposter is very interesting. To the rest of the world, it is obvious that the person has a lot of knowledge, but to the expert they feel like they do not have enough knowledge. When they are given a task to complete, it is likely that they will insist on performing research even though they already have all of the answers.



3 Proven Ways to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Once you have confirmed that you are experiencing imposter syndrome you will need to take steps to overcome it. Not dealing with imposter syndrome can result in disaster. It is very important that you use techniques that have been proven to work when you want to overcome imposter syndrome.

1. Neutralize Negative Thoughts

You need to understand that imposter syndrome is all in your head. The thoughts and feelings that you are experiencing about being an imposter are not based in fact. In reality you are not a fraud or an imposter, its just that your thoughts are telling you that you are.

Everything begins with thoughts. You are not going to experience bad feelings without a thought starting this off. We are what we think, and if you do not control the negative thoughts in your mind then you are not going to overcome imposter syndrome.

When you experience a negative thought that tells you that you are an imposter, you need to neutralize this. The best way to do this is to think a positive thought immediately afterwards. You need to act quickly here and not let any of the negative thoughts fester in your mind. They can soon turn into limiting beliefs if you don’t take action.

If you experience a thought that is telling you that you are an imposter because you are having difficulty completing a task for example, you can neutralize this by thinking “I will complete this task because I can do anything” or something similar to this.

It is going to take time and practice to get this right. After a while, you will find that you automatically neutralize negative thoughts with positive ones. The act of neutralizing a negative thought takes away its power so you need to persevere with this.

2. Celebrate Your Accomplishments

People that experience imposter syndrome are often quick to downplay their achievements. They believe that anyone else could have done the things that they accomplished. This is not true of course, so you need to prove to your subconscious mind that your accomplishments mean something.

While we never think that dwelling in the past is a good idea, it can help to dig in to your past to create a list of the things that you have achieved in your lifetime. Don’t even think about saying that you have never achieved anything. You certainly have and you need to dig deep to find these.

Recalling your current and recent achievements will be a lot easier and it is something that we recommend you do. As you recall each one, celebrate this in your mind. When you consistently celebrate your accomplishments, you will prove to your subconscious that you are worthy and this will negate the power of imposter syndrome.

3. Assess Your Abilities

Another effective way to overcome imposter syndrome is to make an assessment of your abilities. This is also a way to inform your subconscious mind that you are not an imposter and that you deserve to be where you are.

You need to be honest with yourself here. Grab a pen and paper and take the time out to think about your different abilities. We would always recommend that you write these down as there is power to be derived from this. Read your abilities list to yourself over and over to convince your subconscious that you are not a fraud.


Why Imposter Syndrome Is So Bad

 Why Imposter Syndrome Is So Bad

If you are determined to overcome imposter syndrome then you will need to use the right techniques and work on this consistently. There is no overnight miracle fix for imposter syndrome. When you know how bad imposter syndrome can be it will help to motivate you to take the necessary action to overcome it every day.

It brings a Flood of Negative Thoughts

Those that suffer from imposter syndrome will usually experience a lot of negative thoughts each day. These thoughts will constantly remind them that they are a fraud and have no place being where they are. Our world is full of negativity and it is hard enough dealing with this. Imposter syndrome just makes the situation worse.

Imposter Syndrome can cause Procrastination

One of the worst aspects of imposter syndrome is that it usually causes a lot of self-doubt. You start to doubt your ability to perform even the simplest of tasks. Complex tasks can scare you to death. When you are scared of tackling something it is a lot more likely that you will put it off until later. This is the start of procrastination.

We all procrastinate from time to time. But if you start to do this regularly then this can be a symptom of imposter syndrome. A task may overwhelm you and when you procrastinate it will make you feel a little better. The pressure of not starting the task will be there in the background though so it is not a good thing.

You will have too much Uncertainty

Your levels of uncertainty can rise dramatically if you are experiencing imposter syndrome. It is natural to be uncertain sometimes, but if you have too much uncertainty then you will find it difficult to make even the simplest of decisions.

You can Miss Out on Opportunities

When you are usually feeling that you are not good enough due to imposter syndrome you are more likely to miss out on opportunities when they present themselves. These opportunities can be right under your nose and you will not spot them.

You no longer know what you are capable of doing

A lot of people that experience imposter syndrome can end up being unable to assess what they are capable of doing. Before, they may have held the belief that they can do anything, but imposter syndrome has knocked this out of them. This is a very serious problem caused by imposter syndrome in our opinion.

Work Harder just to keep up

If you are always feeling like you are an imposter, you may start to believe that you need to work much harder than other people do just to keep up. The confidence that you had to do your job before has been eroded by imposter syndrome and now everything is going to take you a lot longer to complete.

Your Relationships can be affected by Imposter Syndrome

It is not unusual for imposter syndrome to start affecting relationships that people have. You may start to believe that your partner can do a lot better than being with you. In addition to this, you may find it hard to form new relationships as imposter syndrome makes you feel that you have nothing to offer the other person.

The Main Causes Of Imposter Syndrome

There will always be a reason for you to experience imposter syndrome. It doesn’t just come out of nowhere. One thing that you need to know right away is that imposter syndrome is not linked to any kind of modesty or humility. Let’s take a look at the main causes of imposter syndrome.

Recalling Past Failures

We have all made mistakes and done things that we regret in the past. If you dwell on these failures then this can bring on imposter syndrome. Some people are continually haunted by their past and regularly think about the mistakes they have made a long time ago.

Dwelling in the past is not a good thing to do. What is done is done. The best way to deal with the past is to learn from it. Then you need to let go. Constantly harping back to past negative events in your life can cause you a lot of stress and anxiety.

People in your Life can Trigger Imposter Syndrome

Not all of your friends will support you all of the time. The same can be true of work colleagues and even family members. Words are extremely powerful, and if you hear the wrong things from the people around you often enough this can bring on imposter syndrome.

Have you ever heard from anyone in your life that you are useless? Perhaps you were told that you would never be a success? These are the kind of comments that some people will internalize and obsess over. In some cases, this can result in a person feeling that they are not worthy.

People like to belong to groups and there can be situations where the dynamics of a group can cause imposter syndrome. If you decide that you are going to be unique in some way and stand out from the crowd, other group members may castigate you for this and make you feel insecure.

Childhood Limiting Beliefs

Your experiences from your childhood could be responsible for the onset of imposter syndrome in later life. A lot of parents push their children to do well and if they do not live up to expectations then there are often negative consequences to this.

Another thing is that an authority figure in your life as a child may have criticized you in such a way that it really left a mark. Being told that you will never amount to anything can be devastating to a child. This is especially true when it comes from parents or a teacher for example.

These days, there is a tendency for parents to “overprotect” their children. Of course, parents need to protect their kids, but if they overprotect them then they can grow up not knowing what to expect when they are an adult.

A child that has never had to deal with any challenging situations before can be really unprepared for the world. This can hit them hard and they can be subjected to negative comments from other adults. In the worst cases this can definitely trigger imposter syndrome.

You need to know what is causing Imposter Syndrome

In order for you to overcome imposter syndrome you need to know what is causing it. It can be painful trying to figure this out but it is worth the pain of doing this. Otherwise, you will only be treating the symptoms and not getting to the root cause of the problem.

Who Can Suffer From Imposter Syndrome?

The answer to this is that anyone can suffer from imposter syndrome. Your gender, race and background is unimportant. There is a myth that females are more likely to suffer from imposter syndrome than males. Evidence does not exist to support this. Imposter syndrome can be experienced by anyone at any time.

Your Personality Traits can bring on Imposter Syndrome

There has been a lot of research into imposter syndrome and one of the findings to date is that people with certain personality traits are more prone to it than others are. One study found that people who are lazy are more prone to imposter syndrome. The belief here is that lazy people are more likely to have a lot of unfinished tasks which can make them think they are not worthy.

Experts have also seen a link between those people that have low self-esteem and imposter syndrome. This is not too much of a surprise as if you do not have a good opinion of yourself then you are probably more likely to feel like an imposter fairly often. Another link was found between neuroticism and imposter syndrome in the studies.

People that have a strong Fear of Failure

It is natural for all of us to feel a bit apprehensive when we are taking on new challenges. In some people, this manifests itself as a strong fear of failure. People that have tried new things and failed a lot in their past can develop this.

If you are someone that fears failure a lot of the time then you are very likely to experience imposter syndrome. This can lead to high levels of stress and anxiety which are no good for your health. You need to take steps to overcome your fear of failure.

Have you Experienced Discrimination or Bias?

Anyone that has experienced discrimination or bias because of their gender or race for example, can be more prone to suffering from imposter syndrome. Even if you have not personally experienced any bias or discrimination, just knowing that other people have can cause you to start feeling that you do not fit in.

It is an unfortunate fact that stereotypes have formed over many years for certain situations. This can be really prevalent in the workplace for example. If you do not feel that you belong for whatever reason then you are likely to feel like a fraud. When this becomes a regular thing then you are definitely experiencing imposter syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome is in your Head

The reason that absolutely anyone can suffer from imposter syndrome at any time is that it is all in the mind. This is both a good and bad thing. Imposter syndrome starts with negative thoughts that will not go away about you not being good enough or not belonging.

Why is this good news? Well, you are in control of your thoughts. If you experience negative thoughts about being an imposter then you can neutralize them with positive thoughts. In fact, mastering thought control is one of the most effective things that you can do to overcome imposter syndrome. It will also help you in many other areas of your life.

How To Keep Imposter Syndrome At Bay

 How To Keep Imposter Syndrome At Bay

You have worked hard to overcome imposter syndrome and after a while you start to experience imposter feelings again. Accept that this may happen to you. It is normal for people to experience feelings of being an imposter sometimes. What you need to do is to ensure that the imposter syndrome does not return. Here are proven ways to keep it at bay.

Identify what is Causing the new Imposter Feelings

As you have overcome imposter syndrome once, it should be relatively easy for you to identify what is causing imposter feelings again. Even though you have put a great deal of time and effort into overcoming imposter syndrome, you can never 100% guarantee that it will never return.

When you are able to identify what caused these new imposter feelings you will be able to attack the root cause of the problem. Maybe you still have a limiting belief that you couldn’t completely eradicate the first time around.

Validate the Insecurity

You may be experiencing feelings of insecurity because you are not sure what you need to do to tackle a problem. This is often the case when you are taking on a new challenge. What you need to do here is to validate whether this is just a natural feeling or imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head again.

Take the time out to analyze the situation properly. What kind of thoughts did you experience? Were the feelings that you experienced similar to those that you did with imposter syndrome? It may take a bit of time to figure this out but it is definitely something that you need to do.

Become a Thought Control Master

Imposter syndrome is all in your head. When you experience feelings of being a fraud these emanate from a negative thought that occurred. A number of things could have caused this negative thought to come into your head.

The important thing is that you neutralize this immediately with a positive thought. Nothing will help you more with imposter syndrome than being a master of thought control. When you can automatically neutralize a negative thought, you will diminish its power significantly and prevent it from becoming a negative thought spiral.

It is a simple concept to neutralize a negative thought with a positive one but it is not so easy to do. Practice doing this with any negative thought that comes into your mind. With enough practice you will form a new empowering habit and will eventually be a master of thought control.

Use Positive Affirmations Daily

Another effective way to keep imposter syndrome at bay is to create and use positive affirmations every day. Some people think that these are a waste of time but they really work if you create the right affirmations and read them out loud each day.

We recommend that you make the reading of your positive affirmations part of your daily ritual. Keep a copy of your affirmations with you at all times so that you can read them again during the day if the need arises.

Start and Maintain a Journal

Reflecting on your past accomplishments and recognizing the value of them is a good way to keep imposter syndrome at bay. We recommend that you start a journal and record your achievements in this. Include past achievements and update your journal with current achievements too. Reflect on your journal at least once a week.

Effective Techniques For Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

 Effective Techniques For Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

When you want to overcome imposter syndrome it is critical that you use the right techniques to do this. It is not too difficult to overcome imposter syndrome when you know what you are doing. In this article we will reveal effective techniques that you can use to stop having constant thoughts and feelings that you are an imposter.

Accept that Perfection is Impossible

Nobody is perfect in this world. All of us have various strengths and weaknesses and we have made many mistakes and will continue to do this. The best way to deal with the mistakes that you make is to learn from them and then move on.

It is a waste of time and effort to try and deliver perfectionism. You need to change your mindset if you are a perfectionist and accept that something that is good enough is acceptable. Striving for perfection every time will just delay things and in some cases, you will not deliver anything at all.

Focus on time rather than perfection. Time is our most precious commodity and you do not want to waste yours trying to make things perfect. Think about all of the other good things that you can do with the time that you waste on perfectionism.

There is an Imposter in Everyone

Without exception, everyone will experience feelings of being an imposter or not belonging at some time in their life. This is completely natural and is normal when you are taking on any new challenge. You are not sure how you will complete the challenge and this raises uncertainty. Accept that this is a normal situation and remain positive about your life.

Stop Comparing yourself with Others

Something that most people do when they are suffering from imposter syndrome is to compare themselves with others. They do this because they feel it is a good way to confirm that they are not an imposter. In theory this makes sense, but in practice it doesn’t.

Every time that you compare yourself to another person it is very likely that you will discover something about them which they have and you don’t. This is not going to help you to overcome imposter syndrome. In fact, it is likely to make it worse.

Another downside of comparing yourself to others is that it can result in you feeling that you do not fit in. Also, you may have thoughts that you are not good enough because someone else can do something better than you. Just concentrate on yourself. Set yourself personal targets and stop comparing yourself to other people.

Too Much Social Media

These days, people seem to be glued to their smartphones. They cannot miss a notification or their life will not be worth living. We have nothing against social media and welcome it as a great tool. The problem is that it is very easy to get addicted to it.

The problem with social media for those experiencing imposter syndrome is that they are very likely to come across people on there that seem to have a much better life than you. This is usually far from the truth as social media users will often exaggerate things in order to get attention.

Nevertheless, the fact that something is not true doesn’t matter. Even if you know this is the case, you can start to think about your own life and what is missing. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy which will not help. Gradually reduce the time you spend on social media.

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome Tips That Work

 Overcoming Imposter Syndrome Tips That Work

People that suffer from imposter syndrome often feel that they are trapped and that there is no way out. They believe that they will always experience thoughts of being an imposter for the rest of their life. If you know what to do then this will not be the case. In this article, we will show you tips that work to overcome imposter syndrome.

Talk about the Imposter Syndrome with a Person You can Trust

This is not an easy thing to do if you are suffering from imposter syndrome but it can really help you a lot. One of the biggest fears that people have that believe they are an imposter is being found out. They are therefore reluctant to talk to anyone about it.

What you need to do is to find someone that you can really trust. This will be a person that will not only listen to you and try and help you, but will also be discreet and keep everything confidential. The ideal person would be someone that has experienced imposter syndrome and managed to overcome it.

The reason that talking to someone will help you is that sharing the problem will provide you with a lot of relief. There is an old adage that says “a problem shared is a problem halved” and this is very true.

If you genuinely cannot find a person that you trust enough then you can always turn to the professionals for help. Yes, there will be a cost involved, but this is a small price to pay if it helps you to overcome imposter syndrome.

Identify the Imposter and give it a Name

This may seem a bit crazy at first but it can really work well. It is a great way to provide some distance between you and imposter syndrome. When you next experience a thought about being an imposter, identify which type of imposter that it is and then follow this up with a neutralizing thought.

For example, if you experience a thought that tells you that you are a fraud because you are not doing everything perfectly, you can tell yourself that this is the perfectionist imposter just trying to ruin your day.

Take this a step further by naming the imposter. Say something like “Peter Perfectionist is bothering me again and trying to make me feel like an imposter”. This should make you laugh or at least smile and it will certainly weaken the negative thought considerably.

Learn how to Deal with Criticism

One of the worst things to cope with for a person that is experiencing imposter syndrome is criticism. But criticism is a part of life and it will be difficult to avoid this all of your life. The thing is that there is negative criticism and positive criticism and the latter is a good thing.

If someone uses negative criticism, they are doing this with no foundation. It can hurt you and strengthen your feelings of being an imposter even though it is not true. The best way to deal with this is to treat is as an opinion that is not right.

Positive or constructive criticism is a well-formed opinion that could be worth considering. Usually those that give constructive criticism are trying to help you. Be prepared to take this advice on board if it is valid.

The Imposter Syndrome Self-Test

 The Imposter Syndrome Self-Test

It is very important that you confirm if you are experiencing imposter syndrome or not. Just having some thoughts and feelings about being an imposter now and again is not imposter syndrome. This is a natural thing that the vast majority of people experience.

One of the most effective ways for you to confirm that you are experiencing imposter syndrome is to ask yourself the right questions. Dr Valerie Young identified 5 types of imposters from her research and you can use these as a basis for the questions. This will also help you identify the type of traits that you have related to imposter syndrome.

Questions about the Perfectionist Imposter

A lot of people that experience imposter syndrome develop perfectionist tendencies. There are a number of questions that you can ask yourself to confirm whether you are a perfectionist or not. This is important and you need to answer any questions that you ask honestly.

Some typical questions that you could ask yourself to test for the perfectionist imposter are:

Do you have a pattern of going over things that you have done many times in an attempt to make them perfect?

Do you find it hard to accept compliments from other people?

Do you find that it takes you a lot longer to complete tasks than it used to?

Questions about the Superhero Imposter

The superhero imposter will always accept new work even though they have a lot on at the moment. They believe that they need to work a lot harder than everyone else to prove that they are not a fraud. 

Here are some good questions to test for superhero imposter tendencies:

Do people think that you are an overachiever?

Despite working harder and longer hours than everyone else do you still feel that this is not enough?

Does it make you feel proud that you overachieve?

Questions about the Natural Genius Imposter

The natural genius imposter is very knowledgeable in one subject only. With everything else, they are average at best. A natural genius finds it difficult to explain things and learn new things and will be devastated if their expert knowledge is called into question.

These are good questions to test for the natural genius imposter:

Do you find it difficult to explain things that you know a lot about?

Is it difficult for you to learn about subjects that you are not an expert in?

Do you feel like a failure if you find it hard to understand something new?

Questions to Test for the Soloist Imposter

A soloist imposter is someone that wants to work alone. This is because they do not want to be found out as a fraud. Here are some questions to ask to test for the soloist imposter:

Are you always looking for projects that you can comfortably work on by yourself?

Are you reluctant to ask anyone else for help?

Do you tend to micromanage everything?

Questions to Test for the Expert Imposter

An expert imposter already knows a lot but they feel that they need to learn more. They will often want more training even though they don’t need it or will insist on performing research when this is not necessary. Ask these questions to test for expert imposter:

Are you obsessed with gaining more and more qualifications?

Do you always perform research at the start of each new project?

Do you undervalue all of your previous achievements?

Wednesday, June 3

Mind Your Business: Connecting the Dots Life Coaching with Terri Martinez

Connecting the Dots Life Coaching with Terri Martinez
Listen to the Mind Your Business: Crown Holders Master Class - http://www.audioacrobat.com/sa/W4sgvfdP
Terri Martinez is a blogger and author who writes under the pen name Terri D. She published her debut novel titled Yesterday’s Lies in 2011.  Terri has since released four more novels and had a poem published as part of an anthology of poems about love titled Bubblin’ Brown Sugar.  Terri’s most recent release titled, Passport Wife is a memoir. Although she continues to write, Terri is the Program Coordinator for Life Esteem Inc. In this role she coordinates the curriculum and training materials for the parenting programs offered through Life Esteem. She’s an active member of the advisory board and was very instrumental in the opening of the Life Esteem Holistic Wellness Center in December 2017.
In June of 2018, Terri started a Non-Profit Organization, A Blessing for You.  Her non profit provides assistance to expectant and new mothers in need as well as providing training and connecting them to other community resources.  Terri is a trained Chaplain assistant, Certified Recovery Specialist and Certified Life Coach.  Terri offers life coaching services in person, via phone or video. Visit the Connecting the Dots Life Coaching website: https://connectingthedotsdiva.com 

Read article and listen to Terri's talk about how Learning to Connect Your Dots can help you learn how to love living your life. Read more: http://www.themorningtea.com/2020/03/connecting-dots-your-pathway-to.html
It’s really about your values.  What is important to you.  What are your goals and aspirations?  Some dots are larger or more important than others.  Some dots change over time, some dots may become less important and die off whereas others may grow in importance in your life.  Our dots are fluid.  As we grow and learn the makeup of our dots change.  Therefore, it’s important to understand how your dots connect.  If you make a change to one dot, you need to understand what other dots might be impacted to be prepared.
The larger meaning of learning how to connect the dots became clear to me after taking an early retirement in 2017.  My house was empty and so was my calendar.  I had absolutely no idea who I was anymore.  I hadn’t thought about me and my dots for so long I had completely lost track of them.  I had no clue what they were or how they connected.
Since realizing this I have been on a mission to find and reconnect all my dots.  It is a constant work in progress.  Identifying your dots and learning how to connect them closely aligns with holistic wellness concepts.  At the core of holistic wellness are the eight dimensions of wellness.
1)      Intellectual wellness is when you recognize your unique talents to be creative and seek out ways to use them.
2)      Physical wellness is when you recognize what is necessary to keep your body healthy.
3)      Spiritual wellness is related to your values.  Beliefs that help you find meaning and purpose in your life.
4)      Emotional wellness is your ability to cope with life and build satisfying relationships with others.
5)      Financial wellness is a feeling of satisfaction about your financial situation.
6)      Occupational wellness is a sense of satisfaction with your choice of work.
7)      Environmental wellness is related to the surroundings you occupy.
8)      Social wellness is a sense of connectedness and belonging.
Once you begin to learn about the dimensions and all of the little things that are inside of each one of them you begin to understand that the key to success or happiness in life is learning your dots, the most important things for you and how they interact, and making decisions about where you want them to be.  This is what I refer to as learning to love living your life.
Life coaching is NOT counseling or therapy.  Unlike counseling or therapy, which involve looking back and working through one’s past, Life coaching is about looking to the future and navigating through the present to reach the goals one has set.
Terri is a trained Chaplain assistant, Certified Recovery Specialist and Certified Life Coach. Terri offers life coaching services in person, via phone or video. Visit the Connecting the Dots Life Coaching website: https://connectingthedotsdiva.com 

Meet LoLo Smith - Community Leader and Children Book Author

Meet LoLo Smith
Community Leader and Children Book Author


LoLo Smith is a children’s book author on a mission to positively reshape the way children of color see themselves. As an elementary school teacher, she was dismayed with the lack of children’s books with characters of color on the market. So she established Do The Write Thing of DC (DTWT), with two other like-minded individuals. This 501(c)(3) tax exempt not-for-profit publishes books by, about and for African Americans to address the lack of diversity in books.  “I’m filling diversity gaps in children’s literature and doing my part to normalize the appearance of African American and Hispanic girls and boys in books,” she says.  
LoLo has written 10 books for children. Her books feature anime characters, American Girl dolls, superheroes and even dogs! She writes on topics such as kindness, bullying, community workers, and the COIVD-19 pandemic. 
She has taken her commitment a step further by developing a literacy program, Living Storybook, through which she re-issues her original books with photos of African American and Hispanic children that participate in DTWT’s after-school and summer programs. “When children see photos of themselves in a book, it becomes a powerful incentive for them to read,” she says.
LoLo Smith is pleased to announce the release of the following books which are available for purchase at  https://www.amazon.com/LoLo-Smith/e/B01LDWYAEK



I Know My Community Workers by LoLo Smith 
This picture book exposes young children to 17 different occupations, some of which they may not have considered for themselves such as being a chef, astronaut, or politician. Many are playing important parts during the COVID-19 pandemic such as the doctor, nurse, teacher, grocer, chef, construction worker, fire fighter, police officer, train engineers and the mayor. 
The 4 pages of JUST FOR FUN facts are a very creative way for parents to determine if their child understands the information in the book. Beautifully produced books like this will get the children off the internet.

Purchase I Know My Community Workers by LoLo Smith 

VIDEO:  I Know My Community Workers by LoLo Smith 
For children age 4-7.  Teaches young children the titles, tools and workplaces of community workers and encourages them to set career goals. Four pages of activity sheets are available to delight and excite the children. Watch the Living Storybook Program:  https://youtu.be/nLb1u6gGTMM



Community Workers & COVID-19 by LoLo Smith
(A Children's Book About Coronavirus) 
Looking for an engaging book to teach children about the coronavirus and explain what community workers do? This is it! In Community Workers & COVID-19, kids are introduced to a special town called Share-A-Lot where a doctor, nurse, teacher, construction worker, grocer, chef, emergency medical technician (EMT), police officer, and a mayor all work together to save lives during the coronavirus pandemic.
Throughout this engaging story, children will learn about the role each community worker plays in the town while learning the virtue of sharing. From the teacher who reminds students to wash their hands, to the research doctor working on a vaccine for COVID-19, to the grocer and chef providing nutritious fresh food and vegetables to keep the body healthy, each worker plays an essential role in the town and they are all happy to do their jobs to help the community get through a difficult time.
But what happens when the mayor decides to offer a special prize to the most essential worker in town? How will they ever decide who plays the most essential role? You'll have to read to find out.
By the end of the book, children will have a greater understanding of how each community worker helps combat coronavirus pandemic and a newfound appreciation for the community workers keeping them safe in their own community.
Purchase Community Workers & COVID-19 (A Children's Book About Coronavirus)




Max & Bo: Two Dogs On The Go by LoLo Smith 
Meet Max and Bo, two fun-loving dogs that like to celebrate the holidays including New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, July 4th, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Young children will enjoy seeing the illustrations of the dogs in their different hats, ties and costumes. This is a delightful book with rhymes on every page to engage young kids. JUST FOR FUN facts help parents determine if their child remembers the information in the book.
But it is not all fun and games for Max and Bo. At the end of the book, they are shown in face masks. This illustration can be used as a springboard for parents to discuss COVID-19 with young children. Max and Bo are in face masks since it's not too much to ask, to help prevent COVID-19, and avoid being in quarantine! 
Purchase Max & Bo: Two Dogs On The Go by LoLo Smith


Intimate Conversation with LoLo Smith
LoLo Smith is an educator and a children's book author on a mission to positively reshape the way children of color see themselves. As a teacher, she was dismayed with the lack of children's books with characters of color. So she established a nonprofit with two like-minded individuals that publishes books by, about and for African Americans. LoLo is doing her part to normalize the appearance of African American and Hispanic children in books. She has taken her commitment a step further by developing a literacy program, Living Storybook, through which she re-issues her original books with photos of African American and Hispanic children. She believes that when children see photos of themselves in a book, it becomes a powerful incentive for them to read.
BPM: Please share something our readers wouldn’t know about you.
In addition to writing books for children, I am a sports enthusiast and have published a book about Michael Jordan retiring from the Bulls then spending his last playing days with one of the worst teams in the NBA - the Washington Wizards (Mr. Jordan Goes to Washington). I was also a sports columnist for a local Baltimore paper, in the early 2000's,  and wrote a column early on after Kobe Bryant's arrest in Colorado about why he should be found not guilty if his case went to trial.
I also developed a publication, Guide To Wedding Publicity, in which I provided information on how brides can obtain free publicity for their weddings. This DIY (Do It Yourself) guide was based on my experience in getting the wedding of Jeanne Roberts, daughter of then-billionaire businessman, Michael Roberts, featured in 20 different print and on-line newspapers and magazines, including the front cover of a white bridal magazine that had never had a black bride on its cover.
BPM: If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
Intense, naturally funny, and helpful.
BPM: Tell us about writing your first set of children's books. What was the journey like?
When I was teaching 2nd grade, I asked my students to bring a book from home. One student brought a copy of the Yellow Pages and said that was the only book in her home. I became determined to produce a book that each child could take home for their personal library. I took photos of my students dressed as community workers and wrote a book based on a kiddie play I produced with the children, called Share-A-Lot. The play was about the community workers learning the value of sharing. That book was put together on a shoe string budget. Was I ever glad when Amazon.com started helping self-published authors with their own print-on-demand company called CreateSpace which is now Kindle Publishing.
BPM: Introduce us to your most recent work. Available on Nook and Kindle?
While I have been home-bound because of COVID-19, I tailored a book I had previously written about community workers to describe what these workers would be doing in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. The book, "Community Workers  & COVID-19"  includes tips on how to avoid getting or spreading the disease.  
I also wrote "Max & Bo: Two Dogs On The Go" and present information about COVID-19 in a very gentle way so that children will not be so afraid and know that they can protect themselves in very simple ways from getting the disease. All of these titles listed below are now available at Amazon and on Kindle.
BPM:  Who do you see reading your books? What age group will benefit from the stories?
My children's books are geared towards ages 4-8 in kindergarden - 2nd grade primarily. I do have one book, Sista CindyElla Mae (The African American Cinderella) which is written for students in grades 3-5.
BPM: Writing can be an emotionally draining and stressful pursuit. Any tips self-care for creative folks?
I feel very drained when I write because I am in front of the laptop for hours. I find that it helps to take Kelp (Iodine) when working on the laptop.
BPM: Do you have anything special for readers that you’ll focus on this year?
When anyone purchases any of the books featuring community workers, they will receive the following for FREE: Boy and girl paper dolls with paper clothing/uniforms for 6 of the community workers (doctor, chef, firefighter, police officer, teacher, judge). Activity Sheets for Community Workers (24 pages of spelling, reading and math activities).
BPM: What projects are you working on at the present?
I am working on two projects at the present that are very important to me:
1. The nonprofit that I co-founded (Do The Write Thing of DC) is currently offering a Video Book Club to 20 students in Kg-2nd grade who attended Plummer Elementary School in the second most deprived area of the District of Columbia (Ward 7) during the 2019-2020 school year. Do The Write Thing implemented an after-school program at Plummer from Oct 2019 through Mar 13, 2020 when schools were abruptly closed in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. 
We called all the parents after the school was closed and asked if their child could participate in our Video Book Club. We have been reading books from a list selected by the CHILDREN'S DEFENSE FUND for its FREEDOM SCHOOLS. The last books that will be read to these young children will be:  Max & Bo:Two Dogs On The Go by LoLo Smith and Community Workers & COVID-19 by LoLo Smith
2. I have just issued a second edition of my book about kindness (Ten Acts of Kindness) and I previously published an anti-bullying/kindness book (My Doll & Me: Superheroes Fighting Bullying with Kindness). These books feature anime characters in superhero costumes with American Girl dolls, also dressed in matching superhero costumes. These books include the following material: 
Ten no or low-cost acts of kindness that children can perform at school or in the community with their parents;
No Bullying Pledge; Kindness Pledge; the Walk-Talk-Tell strategy to deal with bullies; 10 Kindness slogans (examples: no act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted; kindness is always in season; kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see, it's cool to be kind).
JUST FOR FUN facts: lyrics to NO BULLYING, an original song written by local DC artist. All purchasers of either book will receive FREE KINDNESS BINGO or BULLYING BUSTING BINGO.
BPM: How can readers discover more about you and your work in the community?
Visit the website for the nonprofit, Do The Write Thing of DC at:  http://www.dothewritethingdc.org
Do The Write Thing of DC (501)(c)(3) tax-exempt not-for-profit organization established by LoLo Smith and two others on April 5, 2010 that publishes books for, about and by African-Americans. Do The Write Thing also implements academic enrichment programs after school and during the summer.
Learn More About Do the Write Thing Foundation of DC
Do The Write Thing addresses the need to offer youth from economically and socially vulnerable communities in the District full access to performing, literary and visual arts instruction which teach actionable strategies and constructive methods of self-expression. Research shows art education helps students in low performing schools where learning is impeded by the detriments of poverty. 
The needs of our target population are well documented in research which shows children from vulnerable communities have low social-economic indicators that are inextricably linked to lags in academic performance, inter-generational health disparities, mental and behavioral health challenges, social isolation and criminalization. There is evidence within the research that promising approaches for minimizing the harmful effects of poverty should be culturally appropriate, align with school-day instruction, include parental involvement, develop self-esteem and expand safety net opportunities.
Kids have the best chance at success when they feel listened to, empowered, and respected. That’s why Do the Write Thing designs its arts-based after-school pro- grams – reaching 250 students in DC’s most under-served wards – with the help of the youth themselves. Younger children write and produce their own books, casting themselves as the heroes and proudly presenting their creations, while middle and high school students use poetry, songwriting, music production, and more to raise their voices about issues that matter to them. 
The Kindness Project uses art and literature to encourage little and big acts of kindness, while Fashion Against Bullying spreads positivity through a fusion of fashion, stage production, writing, and entrepreneurship. Your support teaches kids to fight hate with creativity and compassion. Isn’t that what our world needs?

Visit LoLo Smith's Booksellers: 
LoLo Smith on AuthorsDen:   http://www.authorsden.com/lolosmith
Explore More Lolo Smith Books:  https://www.amazon.com/Loretta-Smith/e/B00AH8S7MI  



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